Love Opens [Article]
I recently had a small issue with someone. I felt misunderstood and also hurt by some things that were said (written in a text, actually). And just a couple days before that, there was another issue in a work-related situation. Both of them were relatively minor, but I am not used to having issues with people and I was dismayed at how much it was sucking up my mental energy.
I was rereading emails and texts to try to find a clue for where things went wrong. I found myself spontaneously crafting responses and defenses while lying in bed in the morning or tidying up the kitchen. Luckily, I refrained from sending these crafty replies to the other person!
Eventually, I came to a satisfactory resolution for myself. I decided that the best response I could possibly have in both situations is to maintain an open heart. I decided that I will simply send them love. Silently, I will ask for forgiveness for whatever harm I may have caused and wish them peace. And this gave me peace as well.
In moments of conflict…
In moments of conflict, our instinct is usually for the ego to rise up with defenses and tit-for-tat replies. We want to point out how the other is wrong and we are right. This approach almost always backfires because it is so one-sided, and the other person is doing the same thing! When seen from a larger perspective, maintaining the quality of open-heartedness will be the most successful response.
When our heart closes—even the tiniest bit—it makes no difference who was right and who was wrong (if it is ever that clear). As soon as we allow our heart to close, we have already lost. In that moment, we close off possible paths for repair, not just in that specific situation, but for all situations like it in the future. Not good.
The best thing that can come out of conflict is the opportunity to practice keeping an open heart in difficult situations.
Practice love.
So how do we keep our heart open? We practice love.
Love opens. Love heals wounds. Love reduces pain. Love dissolves blocks. Love decreases the distance between us.
I am reminded of all the beautiful teachings I have received from Tulku Lobsang about love. “Love is the best medicine,” he often says. (I am wearing a t-shirt with those exact words today as a reminder :)
“Love is the best medicine.”
Love actually changes us physically, just as bitterness does in the opposite direction. If you want to be healthy, love more!
The Tantrayana teachings on the subtle body explain that we have a network of channels providing vital energy to our body and mind. These channels transport not only energy, but consciousness, essences, oxygen and nutrients as well. The more tension we have in our bodies and minds, the more the channels become rigid and blocked. Not healthy.
Flow and relaxation dissolve these blocks. The very experience of love is a release of tension, a letting go, an expansiveness.
In the moment of love, we let go of finding truth. It does not matter if you are right or wrong. What matters is that someone is in pain, and loving that person and their pain is the way to dissolve it. The more we insist on our truth, the greater the divide between us. And there is always more than one truth.
And so, the safest, wisest response in ALL situations is more love. And remember, maybe the person that needs love the most is oneself.
May we keep our hearts open, in the face of conflict, in the face of pain and suffering, in the face of greed and oppression.
May we love all ways, always.
“Whatever happens in your life, never give up love.”
— Tulku Lobsang